A Christmas Future with Pirates

A Christmas themed flash fiction based on my characters from Where Pirates Go to Die.  On display at the Mount Pleasant Public Library.



The Xmas Log

By: IE Castellano


My crew and I returned to the Tigerlily tonight without having to maim anyone. A Christmas miracle.

The Christmas party slogged, especially since Dirk made us take anti-poison nanos that blocked me from getting an eggnog induced buzz. His caution is not unfounded, though. No one knows how this new Milky Way Consortium will act even with the different aliens represented alongside humans in the government. My idea of caution is armored formal wear that hides a few blades from the entrance scanners and bringing along our alien crew member.

Gogi turned heads in her native regalia. Her feathers sparkled as if she rubbed in some of the pink quartz dust of her home planet. We were the epitome of what the Consortium tried to achieve with their “share Christmas with aliens” party: Humans and aliens working together.

Well, until they announced us. The fear in the eyes of supposedly former foes when taking a step or two back never gets old. Best Christmas present ever.

The four of us—Gogi, Rock, Dirk, and me—wandered around the expansive gathering room in Consortium Tower. Gogi gorged herself on as many appetizers as her four arms could reach. Dirk disapproved of the Christmas Tree, calling its decorations from around the Galaxy garish. Rock avoided Santa Claus. Dirk and I thought he knew the person in the red suit from his previous life. I wonder what my parents would’ve thought of me hobnobbing with the types of people who had them killed.

While we consorted with the enemy, Cheat looted Dirk’s old headquarters. The Consortium commandeered his little shack, so, of course, he needed to know why and make sure he didn’t leave anything of importance hiding in the walls. Cheat made it back before we did with mementos, data crystals, and a crazy, Galaxy assassin android. I will deal with Cheat later.

Eventually, a human Consortium bigwig and an alien representative—the genuinely happy to see us, Okett—finally told us why we were invited. The bigwig mentioned mending bridges, clearing bounties, expunging records, and other blubber. Anyway, they want me—notorious Naria, Captain of the Tigerlily, Pirate who saved the Galaxy—that me—to be an Alien First Contact Attaché for the Milky Way Consortium.

Okett took me aside later to explain how me and my crew were the first humans any aliens encountered that treated them with respect. He and the other alien peoples needed me to reach out to secluded aliens not some Consortium-controlled blowhard.

I agreed to be whats-it-thingy. I can use it. Bonus: Okett does not trust his Consortium human counterparts. This new job will need all the nitrobooster I can get.

Gorm has the android on ice to remove the previous government’s spyware from her system. Bob went on a mission of his own, stealing libations and guaranteed-no-poison tasties. Time to finally be merry.

Naria out.

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